Issue 15 - April 2008

Saving Lazlo by Alyx J Shaw

Special thanks and dedication to my friends Dr. Loren Lease, and the lovely and incomparable Eve Le Dez, who helped with vital information.

Support research! Hug a scientist!

Seth sighed as he slowed for a red light, and felt that oh-so-telling shudder that meant the car was stalling again. Just one more problem in a long litany of troubles, all of which could be spelled M-O-N-E-Y. Beside him, his sister Jenny laughed and clapped her hands. He gave her a weary grin.

“Well at least someone is amused,” he muttered.

She laughed again, and he smiled, then heaved a sigh of relief as the sickly vehicle coughed into life, this time before he received the official city car horn salute. The light turned green, and they started forward.

“We’re almost to the park,” he said.

Jenny stared forward, saying nothing. That was another concern, the way she had ceased to speak more than the occasional word since their parents had died. But he was determined that today he and Jenny were going to have a nice afternoon. No worrying about the lack of funds, no fretting about her disability, just a nice day outside. He wasn’t even going to worry about the way she would periodically yell…

“AZWO!”

… that.

“Jenny what is an azwo?”

“AZWO!”

“Yes, but what is it?”

“AZWO!” She bounced in her seat and clapped her hands.

Seth shrugged. “Well whatever it is, you seen darn happy about it.”

“Azwo,” she repeated, and laughed. Seth rolled his eyes.

“Fine, ‘azwo’ to you, too.”

He pulled into the small parking lot, and ground his teeth when he saw two of the three handicapped spaces were taken up by an SUV full of teenagers. He growled, fighting an urge to get out of his car with a baseball bat and start smashing heads. The attitudes and excuses he had encountered over the years gave him a rabid hate of people who used handicap parking spots without regard for those who needed them, and he had heard every excuse in the book, from “I was just going to be here a second” to “well just how many handicapped people are supposed to be out today anyway?” What, was there a rule he didn’t know about? Were there days when persons with disabilities were supposed to stay home and put their lives on hold so soccer moms who thought their crap smelled like roses could use up spaces they weren’t entitled to so they wouldn’t have to jar the heels of their Italian leather shoes walking across the fucking parking lot?

“Calm down, Seth,” he said to himself. “Just breathe, this is supposed to be a nice day, nice family outing, you and Jenny at the park to watch the birdies and smell the flowers. Don’t let them bother you…”

He parked in the third space and opened the door, walking around to the back of the over-worked van and opened the hatch to pull out the wheelchair. One of the teenagers raised his head, some little reverse-Oreo gangsta wanna-be who would probably piss himself in terror and submission if the real thing so much as sneezed in his general direction.

“Yo dog, not so close to the ride.”

Seth paused, and then slowly swung his head to look at the scrawny little bent-neck ass-wipe in his shit-catcher pants and fake ‘bling’. He ground his teeth with the sort of rage that can only come of a very long, hard week, too much stress, and the final straw. His eye twitched.

“How about your move your piece of shit car so I don’t cram this wheelchair up your ass, rip your head off and fuck the bleeding stump?”

The teenager was taken aback. “Harsh, man.”

“Push me, Vanilla Ice. I fucking dare you.”

“Yo you are one cold dude.”

“Then stay out of my parking spot.”

Seth managed to get Jenny’s wheelchair out of the car and opened up, but she didn’t want to use it. So he followed after her with it as she made her slow and determined way across the lawn to a flowering bush, knowing she would need it soon enough. She could walk, but she was weak, having the narrow airways in her lungs that plagued many who had Down’s syndrome, and lengthy strolls were not her cup of tea. She made it to the bush and sat down gracelessly on the grass to admire the white flowers, happy just to watch and smell them. She was wearing her favourite blue dress, her dark hair up in ribbons, smiling at the way the light shone down on the green leaves and soft blossoms. Seth envied her the simple joy. His own guts were filled with ulcers from strain and worry, and if he did not sell one of his custom-built motorcycles soon, then he did not know what they would do. They might even have to sell their house.

“AZWO!”

Seth jumped, startled from his worries by the cry. He looked over at his sister. “Jenny, please, just tell me what on earth is an azwo?”

“AZWO!” she shouted happily, and Seth gasped as he heard an answering cry.

“Jenny! How’s my beautiful girl?”

Seth’s head snapped in the direction of the response, and saw a man walking towards his sister. He felt his hackles rise almost instinctively, wanting to protect his helpless sibling, but Jenny did not seem to feel she needed protecting. She held her arms out to the stranger, who was clearly not unknown to her, and they hugged. He was rather short, with tanned skin, and long dark brown hair tied back into a messy ponytail. His nearly-black eyes were shaded by a pair of pink-tinted granny-style glasses that had long gone out of fashion for everyone save diehard John Lennon fans. Over his purple t-shirt with its dancing daisy motif, worn jeans and sandals he had a white lab coat. Seth watched as he seated himself on the grass, and Jenny reached into one of the coat’s pockets for a soft caramel.

“So,” said Seth, “I’m not the only man in Jenny’s life.”

“Nope,” said the stranger. “Me and Jenny are going to get married some day, aren’t we sweetie?” The man glanced up at Seth. “I’m Lazlo.”

Seth grinned as realization sank in. “Azwo.”

“Well that is my secret identity, known only to my best friends. Are you Jenny’s new caregiver?”

“No I’m her brother, Seth. I am so glad to meet you, she really had me going. Every time we drive by this park she yells ‘Azwo! Azwo!’ I had no idea what she was on about.”

“Oh I work at the building across the street,” he said, gesturing at an imposing white structure. “I come here to eat lunch and stare at something that’s not waving tail spikes at me from a slide beneath a microscope. Personally I’m certain the little buggers are giving me the finger.”

Seth laughed. “Could be a lewd invitation.”

Lazlo grinned. “Hope not, some of these little guys can do ugly, ugly things to a person.”  He smiled as Jenny fished another caramel out of his pocket. Seth sat down on the grass with them.

“So how did you and Jenny meet?”

“Oh she was here with her caretaker. She just toddled right over to me and sat down, and delighted me with her insight about the political structure in Russia during the time of Stalin. Then she stole all my caramels and we’ve been pals ever since.” He grinned. “I was getting a little concerned about her; I hadn’t seen her in a few days.”

“Yeah, well, I had to let her caretaker go and we haven’t had much time,” said Seth. He did not mention having to close down his shop and move his business into his garage in order to be able to afford to eat. He felt his ulcer mumble angrily in his belly. He winced slightly, but forced himself to ignore it. If Lazlo noticed, he said nothing.

“There you are!” called a voice, and Lazlo looked up. Seth too raised his head, and watched as a beautiful woman crossed the grass towards them. Her clothing was more conservative than Lazlo’s, but even without the white coat Seth had the impression she was a co-worker of his. She walked up to Lazlo and stared down at him, her long reddish hair tied back from her face. “If you were going to hide from me then you should have picked a bigger bush.”

“We picked the one with the cloaking device, but it’s not working today.” Lazlo rose to his feet. “Beth, Seth. Seth, Beth. Hey you rhyme.”

The woman rolled her eyes and smiled. “Pleased to meet you.”

Seth was normally a rather shy individual, and approaching women was not his most shining social ability. He fully succeeded in horrifying himself by opening his mouth and saying; “Hello nurse!”

Beth’s smile became rather plastic. “Doctor, actually,” she said coolly, and crossed her arms over a pair of breasts that infants saw in their dreams. “I was considering doing a paper on Neanderthal man; perhaps you’d like to volunteer as a test subject?”

Seth sighed, feeling his cheeks burn, and he stepped back a pace, his natural shyness coming over him like a blanket. He shoved his black hair back with a hand stained by engine grease

“No,” he muttered, “I’m not that advanced, I’m still trying to master walking upright. Sorry.”

Beth’s smile because more natural, and she seemed to decide to take the faux pas for what it was; an unintentional slip and an attempt at a compliment. “So you are our Jenny’s new caregiver?”

“No, big brother. I didn’t realize she ran with such a distinguished crowd. So you are a scientist too?”

“Scientific researcher, working with viruses and infectious diseases, yes. What field are you in?”

“The back lot. I’m not any sort of scientist.” He reached for his wallet and pulled out of it a handful of photographs of bikes he had built. “Seth make shiny things go fast.”

“A noble pursuit,” said Beth. She took the pictures and looked at the motorcycles. “These are gorgeous. They ought to be in a museum. You make these?”

Seth nodded. “Yeah. I design them and make them. I have… had… a small shop.”

“What happened to it?” asked Beth.

Seth didn’t really want to say; he didn’t like the idea of spewing his troubles to a stranger. He gave her the abridged version.

“Well I just… I just buried my dad and then Jenny needed some things and I had to cancel orders and… well, I guess you could say death by circumstance.”

“This black and silver bike is… soooooo lovely. Looks fragile, though.”

“Yeah I know, I created it to look that way, but if you look here… and… here… and this bit here… it’s actually heavily reinforced. I mean I wouldn’t take it off-roading, but for a fly ride in the summer, he wouldn’t let you down.”

Beth laughed. “He? I thought all machines were female.”

Seth shrugged. “Alley Cat’s a boy. He told me.”

“Alley Cat. That’s cute. Maybe I should come over and ask him if he wants to come home with me.” Beth looked concerned as she studied the picture of the black motorcycle. “Probably expensive, isn’t it?”

“Well… it is a custom-made one of a kind bike. It’s like art you can ride.”

“It’s so elegant. My boyfriend would flip. Can I come by tomorrow and look at the bike?”

Seth mentally did a dance. “Absolutely.” He took out a business card and wrote his home address on the back. “I’m working out of my garage now. Business hours are still the same.”

“Great!” Beth accepted the card, then looked around, noticing Lazlo and Jenny seemed to have wandered off. “Now where did Lazlo escape to? Ah. There he is.” She rolled her eyes as she saw him sitting on the grass with Jenny. They were eating ice cream, and Jenny was putting flowers in his unruly hair. She sighed. “Great. We have the head of the department coming by this afternoon, and our top research scientist is covered in grass stains, flowers and ice cream. Not exactly confidence-inspiring.”

Seth grinned. “Is he your boyfriend?”

“Lazlo? I wish. I’d take the little darling home in a heartbeat. But he’s involved already, and even if he wasn’t, I’m not exactly built according to his tastes.”

Seth blinked. “But you’re beautiful. What could he possibly want to change?”

“Well that’s what I keep asking myself, but Lazlo is a jerk, he insists on liking guys.”

Seth’s gaze snapped towards the man sitting with his sister, grass and dandelions in his hair. “He’s gay?”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“No, I just… picture gay guys as neat and well dressed and clean.”

Beth patted him on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, Seth. The media lied to you. This one washes his dishes by licking them and considers pork rinds a condiment.”

“You mean they’re not?”

Beth rolled her eyes and laughed. “God, not another one.”

They went to where Lazlo and Jenny were sitting, and as they drew near, Seth drew a quiet gasp of utter astonishment. He stopped and stared, jaw hanging in utter astonishment. Talking. Jenny was talking. She’d hardly said a word in ages, but here she was chatting. Seth felt his knees start to collapse, and he put a hand out, feeling Beth catch him and lower him slowly to the grass.

“Seth, are you all right?”

“She’s talking!”

“Of course she’s talking, she and Lazlo chat all the time!”

Seth shook his head. “She’s hardly said a thing since dad died! I’ve been worried sick! I’ve been going out of my mind trying to figure out what she wants and needs and how she’s feeling, and…”

Seth watched as his sister held a simple conversation about dandelions with Lazlo. Finally he managed to get to his feet and walked over to the pair, astonished. He sank down to the grass beside Lazlo, green eyes large.

“You spoke!” he said to Jenny.

Jenny smiled, but said nothing. Seth turned his head to look at Lazlo.

“How did you get her to do that?”

Lazlo blinked. “I gather she doesn’t talk to you.”

“No and it’s been making me crazy! Trying to figure out what she wants, what she needs, how she feels…”

“Well, seems to me Jenny has figured out she doesn’t have to talk. She can just sit back and watch you go crazy. It’s probably a lot more fun than just telling you what she needs.”

Seth shook his head, it having never occurred to him that Jenny might simply not need to tell him anything.

“Jenny?” he asked, his voice full of astonishment. “Did you play a trick on me?”

Found out at last, Jenny laughed and clapped her hands. “I did!”

***---***

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Beth bought the bike, much to her boyfriend Victor’s complete dismay. He remained highly displeased until Beth sent him a picture of the elegant, low-slung machine, then ordered one for himself that matched. It was a very welcome and desperately needed cash infusion, and at long last Seth felt the pain in his guts relent. He traded in his old battered van for a newer and more reliable one, caught up on his bills, and once more began making motorcycles. This time he did not invest in a shop but continued to work in his garage. For now he had chosen to be cautious, only spending what he had to. He was not anxious to end up in the same situation he had just climbed out of.

He took Jenny to the park daily, always in time to meet up with Beth and Lazlo. On days when the weather was unpleasant they would meet in the coffee shop near the park. Eventually Beth and Lazlo became regular visitors to Seth and Jenny’s house. Lazlo especially would often pop by, usually with some small gift for Jenny. Seth still felt a little protective towards her, but there was little doubt Lazlo’s presence was having a positive effect. She had almost shut out the world after their father died, his death coming too close after their mother’s, and it had been an enormous strain on both of them. Now that she had something to look forward to, she had come out of her shell, and was much more conversational. There were still problems with her lungs to deal with, the narrowed airways associated with Down’s making her weak and easily tired, and there were still occasional periods of time when she would sit and stare, as if mulling the questions of the universe over in her mind. But she had always been content to sit and play by herself, or stare thoughtfully. The main thing was she seemed more interested in life around her, and more interactive, and Seth had no doubt this was largely due to Lazlo.

He did harbour a secret suspicion that Lazlo was possibly using Jenny as something of a guinea pig. A few of the toys he brought for her were without question prototypes designed to help build brain function. Since much of the research Lazlo had once been involved with had to do with how illness and disability affected the way the brain worked, Seth knew the elaborate devices had to be somehow connected with it. However, he was not about to complain. Jenny had gone from almost non-responsive to chatty and lively, and was taking more of an interest in her own care. It was a huge load off Seth’s shoulders.

Still, there was something a little daunting about having Lazlo as a friend. He was a nice guy, and Seth very much enjoyed his easy-natured and even downright goofy disposition, but his intelligence was downright intimidating. He was a happy-go-lucky guy who enjoyed a cold beer on a hot day, loved learning about the motorcycles, and happened to have written papers on the mutation of DNA in viruses and could, if he felt like it, explain his hypothesis regarding how some viruses could build their own DNA inside a host cell. Seth listened to this theory as it was delivered by a guy wearing sandals, torn jeans and a blue t-shirt with a dancing pig on it, Jenny’s princess tiara perched on his head. When Lazlo was done he smiled brightly.

“What do you think?”

Seth stared back at him blankly, blinking.

“Og find food now.”

Lazlo laughed. “Food good. Splog help Og.”

Seth glanced at Jenny, who was having one of her thoughtful moments, holding her favourite doll, staring out the window. Lazlo set the tiara on the coffee table, and he and Seth went into the kitchen to make dinner.

“So what made you take an interest in viruses?” asked Seth.

Lazlo shrugged. “Well I wish I had some heartrending story to tell you about how my dog Spike died of an acute attack of Necrotizing Fasciitis, and how deeply it affected me, but the truth of the matter is I just think they’re cool. Then I sort of went from the viruses themselves to the effect they can have on the brain and… got side-tracked. Then I found out the company I was working for wanted this information not, as I had been told, to cure these ailments, but to cultivate certain traits so they could mutate these viruses and unleash them on enemy soldiers. That was when I decided Canada sounded like a nice place to live. So I left Florida, arrived here in the middle of a blizzard, curled into a foetal position and sucked my thumb for a while. Then a research company offered me a chance to use my expertise to see if I can mutate a virus to act as a sort of shut-off, to go in and tell a virus that is ordinarily fatal to… turn off, to stop doing what it is doing, force it into dormancy or something. Some of these little bastards are surprisingly tricky and they change so fast that developing vaccines is nearly impossible. First however I have to figure out how they do what they do.”

Seth shook his head. “Better you than me. I failed high school science.”

“Yeah and I can’t change a flat, so we’re even.” Lazlo grinned. He brushed past Seth as he went to find something in the cupboard. Seth sighed.

“You’re flirting.”

“I’m not flirting. I’m… merely having a perfectly understandable mammalian reaction to your proximity.”

“You’re flirting.”

“Oh get over yourself. Where do you keep the kidney beans?”

“Kidney beans? I thought we were making spaghetti sauce.”

“I thought we were making chilli.”

Seth shrugged. “Okay, chilli it is.”

Lazlo found the beans and let out a short shriek of delight. “Oh isn’t this just all so warm and fuzzy and domestic?”

Seth closed his eyes and mentally counted to ten. “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“I have the most gorgeous male to ever draw breath.” Lazlo pulled a handful of photos out of his wallet, showing them to Seth. “Laird. Breathtaking, isn’t he?”

“He’s… a guy.”

Lazlo gave Seth a jaundiced look. “You know, studies have shown that admitting another man is attractive neither makes you gay nor causes your testicles to fall off.”

“Okay fine, he’s a pretty good-looking guy. So why are you up here flirting with me?”

“I wasn’t flirting. But I am sure Freud would have had some theories about you assuming I was.”

“Freud was a moron.”

“He was,” said Lazlo, “but he did have some great theories.”

Seth laughed. “So is Laird a scientist too?”

“Yeah. Well… he’s… he is very good at his job.”

“Which is?”

“Well, he’s... actually a lab assistant. But he’s very good at it.”

“Must make things interesting, you at the top of your field, and him having to shovel up after you.”

“Hey, he’s the man I want to marry. I’d love him if he made wattle-and-daub walls for monkey houses.”

Seth laughed. “And what does he think about you coming up to visit me?”

Lazlo put the photos back into his wallet, shoving it back into his pocket, then pulled out a large pot from a cupboard. “He and I are a happy and trusting couple, but socially we are very different. Laird likes solitude. I like people. So I go out and visit people and he sits alone and pursues his own theories. He might just be an assistant now, but one day he will be on the same level I am.”

“And he doesn’t mind you flirting?”

“I was NOT flirting with you. If I WAS flirting, I would have done this.”

Seth felt a hand grab his ass. He jumped, eyes large, and then spun to face Lazlo, who blinked at him innocently. Seth pointed to the kitchen door.

“Out.”

Lazlo rolled his eyes. “Oh get over yourself.”

Lazlo went to sit with Jenny, while Seth continued making dinner. When everything was in order he went into the livingroom, but did not see Jenny and Lazlo at all. He did however hear noises coming from the bathroom. He closed his eyes and mentally counted to ten, then went into the bathroom. The shower was running, the floor was drenched, and he could hear what could only be described as barnyard noise and pirate-speak coming from the tub. He pulled back the curtain and looked inside. There were Jenny and Lazlo, soaking wet, wearing makeshift pirate costumes and holding the old paddles from a small rowboat he owned. Lazlo and Jenny stared back at him. Seth crossed his arms and awaited an explanation. Lazlo blinked at him from behind his pink-tinted glasses.

“Do you mind?” said Lazlo. “You’re letting all the animals out of the ark.”

“If you’re playing Noah’s Ark then why are you dressed as pirates?”

“Who are you, the imagination police?”

Seth rolled his eyes. “Dinner will be ready soon.” He closed the shower curtain and walked away.

Lazlo and Jenny mopped up after they finally reached the end of their voyage. Seth laid out dinner, and they ate. By then Jenny was ready for bed, and Seth helped her to get ready. When she at last was tucked in and asleep, he went into the kitchen and got a couple cans of beer for himself and Lazlo. They sat together on the couch in the livingroom in comfortable silence for a while.

“I really appreciate everything you have done for Jenny,” said Seth quietly.

“I haven’t done anything, really.”

“But you have. She’s so much happier, and…”

“I didn’t do anything,” said Lazlo. “Other than offer my friendship.”

“That’s something. You have no idea the way some people react to her. Like she’s sub-human. Breaks my heart. She just wants what every other kid wants. I mean okay I know physically she’s not a child, but that’s what she is. And people treat her like a freak. She’s just my sister, and if they bothered to get their heads out of their asses they could see what a neat person she is!”

“My world,” said Lazlo, “welcome to it.”

Seth gave Lazlo a questioning glance, then realization dawned. “Because you’re gay.”

He shrugged. “Because of that, or because I’m not white. You’d be amazed at how many people will start bitching about how ‘non-whites’ are taking over while you’re right there to hear it, like they just assume you can’t speak the language. I have doctorates and PhDs coming out my ears. I have an IQ of 166. I am one of the leading scientists in my field, but because I’m a funny colour people just assume I am some uneducated immigrant living in a closet with my family of fifty. And what REALLY burns my ass is when they see me with my tall, blonde-haired, blue-eyed boyfriend and assume HE is the successful one and I’m José the pool-boy.”

Seth gazed at Lazlo, taking in the black eyes, near-black hair, and deeply tanned skin.

“So… what are you?”

“Cuban, actually. Well, my parents are from Cuba. I was born in the States then came up here.”

Seth stared at him a little while longer, then shrugged. “Well I never noticed. I was just gonna ask you how you got your tan to last so damned long.”

Lazlo raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You’re kidding me.”

“No. Sorry man, I… really didn’t notice you weren’t white.”

“How can you NOT notice?”

“I’m sorry, you are the same colour as every other English Bay beach bum. I mean look at me, I have black hair. Stick me under the sun and in a few hours who can tell the difference. Except my eyes are green and once upon a time my ancestors lived in England. Look, you like my sister and she loves you, frankly that’s all I give a shit about. I wouldn’t care if you were orange with blue spots.”

Lazlo made a face. “Well I would. Who wants to be orange?”

“Well if you were chartreuse then orange might be an improvement.”

“If I was chartreuse I’d kill myself.” Lazlo had a drink of beer. “Funny how some people get so worked up about crap that just shouldn’t matter.”

Seth gave a slight smile. “My mom used to say it was because they didn’t have anything real to worry about.”

“Wise woman, your mom. What did she die of?”

Seth had a swallow of beer. “She tripped, believe it or not. At the shop where she worked. Just tripped and fell and smashed her skull open on a table. Just a stupid accident. No one’s fault. Then dad had a massive stroke, which we all knew he would the way he ate and smoked. Now it’s just me and Jenny.”

“No girlfriend?”

Seth shook his head. “No time. And not a lot of women want a guy with a sister who needs so much care. They don’t want to end up having to help out.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” Lazlo smiled, his eyes becoming soft with affection. “I don’t know what I would do without Laird. He’s… he’s my everything. I’m so crazy about him it scares me. I just love him so much. He’s so intelligent, and beautiful. I love how beautiful he is.”

Set smiled. “So where did you meet him?”

“He was throwing up in a garbage can outside my lab one day.”

“Terrific first impression.”

“Well he certainly got my attention. Then he passed out, and… well… I’m just a sucker for a man who throws himself at my feet.”

“Good grief! What was wrong with him?!”

“Food poisoning. Seems the mayo in his sandwich had mutated into an alien life form. But he’s better now.” Lazlo grinned. “He’s so cute when he’s sick.”

Seth chuckled. “Dude. You’re hopeless.”

“Yup. I’ve got it bad for him, no argument from me. And speaking of my darling lab-rat…” Lazlo checked his watch, “I should be off to get him. He’ll be…”

Seth and Lazlo both looked up abruptly as there was a tremendous crash, and then strange thumping noises. They put their beer down and ran upstairs, Seth reaching the door to Jenny’s room and flinging it open. To his complete horror, she was on the floor having a violent seizure. She flopped and thumped like a broken toy, eyes rolled back in her head. Seth stared, rooted to the floor in horror, having no idea what to do. He felt Lazlo give him a slight push.

“Seth go call an ambulance. I’ll see what I can do.”

***---***

There was nothing anyone could do. Seth could scarcely understand the doctor as he explained to him that Jenny had epilepsy, which had been undiagnosed. The long thoughtful silences she would experience were in fact ‘absences’, a type of seizure. Then something had triggered a grand maul, a huge, violent seizure, and her weakened heart had been unable to deal with the strain. She was dead before she reached the hospital.

The days following were a blur. Seth was barely able to function, lost in grief and shock. It was Lazlo who called the funeral home and made the arrangements for a simple service, one within Seth’s limited budget. It was Lazlo who helped Seth contact the friends and relatives who needed to know what had happened, helped him to deal with the forms and paperwork, and Lazlo who helped him to pick out the dress in which she would be cremated. Blue. Her favourite colour.

On the day of the viewing, Seth came in to meet with those who had gathered to say goodbye, and though he looked for Lazlo, he did not see him. He was disappointed, but not surprised. Sadly even when one life ended, others had to go on, and Seth knew that Lazlo was working on projects that simply could not wait. Still, it angered him that Lazlo was not there. He had been so important to Jenny. Seth walked to the casket in which Jenny lay, and smiled through his tears, feeling the anger melt as he saw a white lab coat folded up and placed beneath Jenny’s clasped hands, the pockets filled with soft caramels.

Lazlo had been unable to attend. But he had not forgotten her.

In the days that followed, Seth saw Lazlo less and less. He still met with him and Beth at the coffee shop on rainy days, and they would sit together in silence, lost in thoughts about someone who was no longer there. Seth gathered that Laird was not especially happy about Lazlo coming to visit him, and Seth could see his point. If he was in his shoes, he was pretty sure he would not like the idea of his own boyfriend going to visit a single man who lived alone. Still, it was hard. He hadn’t realized that Lazlo had become as much his friend as he was Jenny’s. But Laird was adamant. Bad enough Lazlo had spent so much time with Seth when Jenny was alive. He did not want him there with Seth now that she was gone.

Still the friendship was hardly over. At least once a week they would meet for coffee, and Beth would always call to let Seth know about any Lazlo-related news. When Beth and Victor decided to marry after eight years of living together, Beth personally invited Seth to her wedding, which meant Laird had no reason to complain about his presence.

Beth’s wedding was the first time Seth actually saw Laird in the flesh, and much as his socially-ingrained distaste for admiring the beauty of other men told him not to stare, he couldn’t help it. Photos simply did not do the six foot six ivory beauty justice. He was gorgeous, with long silvery-blonde hair that fell to the small of his back. He had long legs, a beautifully toned body, and blue-grey eyes that radiated an intense loathing for all humanity. He was as cold as he was striking.

Seth hated him almost immediately.

“I hate him,” he told Lazlo as they drunkenly waltzed at the reception, Laird’s eyes burning holes in Seth’s flesh.

“Hate him?! He’s my baby! How can you…” Lazlo tripped. “…hate my baby?”

“Your baby’s an asshole.”

“You’re straight, what do you care?”

“You’re my friend. I care. Besides… he won’t let you come over.” Seth stumbled a little himself, the champagne wreaking havoc with his balance. “And if you don’t come over, then there’s no one to…” He almost said ‘paddle the Ark’, but stopped, his eyes welling with tears. He drew a steadying breath, and changed the subject. “Who’s leading?”

“I thought you were.”

“We’ll both lead.”

“No that won’t work. You lead,” said Lazlo. He closed his eyes and laid his head on Seth’s shoulder. Seth rolled his eyes.

“Well there goes my masculinity.”

“Highly overrated and meaningless,” said Lazlo.

“Well you could at least stop stepping on my feet.”

“Sorry.”

They danced slowly. The evening was drawing to a close. Seth had no idea what song the band was playing, but it hardly mattered. He was gazing down at Lazlo, watching the way his shaggy dark hair hung loose and long, noticing the way the light sparkled softly on his skin. They were both covered in glitter; the whole room was in fact. Beth’s bridesmaids had been giggling and spraying each other with aerosol cans of the stuff, and there was barely a human being in the room who was not shimmering silver and pink and blue.

Seth watched the way the glitter on Lazlo’s lips caught the light, and for the first time the idea crossed his mind that he would like to kiss him. Then someone big and very blonde inserted himself abruptly between the two. Seth was nearly knocked onto his ass, and was startled to find himself gazing up into blue-grey eyes. He stepped back as Lazlo was taken from him, watching as Lazlo looked up, jarred from his peacefully drunken reverie, to see Laird. He smiled and laid his head against his chest, while Laird glared hate at Seth, and mouthed two words at him.

“Fuck. Off.”

Seth retreated dispiritedly over to Beth and her new husband, where at least he was welcomed.

“C’mon, Seth!” said Beth, drunkenly beckoning him over. “You can s... hic! Sit with my brand-new beautiful hubby. Isn’t he cute?”

Victor was big and handsome and friendly, especially tonight. He pulled Seth onto his lap and gave him a sip of his champagne, sending the bevy of drunken beauties around him into fits of giggles. Victor was not a man who minded female attention. But as Beth turned to laugh and shriek with her friends and sister, Victor lowered his head and whispered into Seth’s ear.

“I hate the son of a bitch too. You ask me, he’s pure evil.”

Seth turned his head, raising one eyebrow in surprise as he looked into Victor’s hazel eyes.

“So what did he do to you?”

“To me? Nothing. But some of Bethy’s personal research went missing after Lazlo and Laird came for a visit. And Lazlo is not the sort of guy who needs to steal his research from his friends. Not with his intelligence and credentials.”

“You think it was Laird?”

“I can’t prove it, but yeah.” Victor looked towards Lazlo and Laird as they danced, Lazlo staring up at his tall lover adoringly, his dark hair hanging over his black eyes. “Lazlo’s a nice guy and he’s been one of Bethy’s best friends for ages, but he’s always been kinda sheltered. He was schooled at home, awarded scholarships by people who coveted his genius… he’s never been hurt. He thinks Laird is protecting him, and he’s not, he’s using him. So… don’t stop being his friend, okay? Because eventually Lazlo is gonna find out he’s in love with a world class son of a bitch.”

Seth looked from Victor, to Lazlo, and back again. Slowly a thought occurred to his drunken brain.

“Lazlo’s helped you in the past too, hasn’t he?”

Victor nodded. “Yeah, he did. He gave Bethy and me some money when we were in pretty desperate straits. I don’t want to get into detail; it’s a pretty personal matter, but… yeah. And I know of a few other people he’s bailed out. Good old Lazlo, off saving the world.” Victor narrowed his eyes and reached for a fresh glass of champagne, gazing at the two men dancing across the floor. “You have to ask yourself who is saving Lazlo.”

***---***

Seth was not surprised that he didn’t see Lazlo after the wedding. He was not at the park, and he was not at the coffee shop on rainy days. Seth tried calling his cell phone, but learned his number was now blocked. The message was very clear; Laird did not want Seth anywhere near Lazlo. Still Seth found himself going to the coffee shop, seeking out the last vestiges of the time when Jenny was alive and he was happy, but Lazlo it seemed had been effectively removed from his life.

“Son of a bitch,” said Beth quietly, pouring sugar into her coffee. “He’s got Lazlo right where he wants him. I hardly even see him myself any more.”

Seth picked at his cruller. “He called me once. I wasn’t home. I tried to call back but I got Laird.”

“Yeah Lazlo doesn’t answer the phone anymore,” said Beth. She sighed. “I don’t know why Lazlo doesn’t see what a total prick Laird is, but he doesn’t. How long since you talked to Laz?”

Seth toyed with the spoon in his coffee. “Since your wedding. Seven months.”

Beth gave him a sympathetic look. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine, I guess. Mostly I just design my bikes and work on them. Trying to save up for a larger work space. I’m going to go camping this weekend. Try to clear my head, make a few decisions about where to go from here now that I’m all on my own.”

Beth smiled. “Victor and I are going to go to Toronto in the morning and visit his mom for a few days. And Lazlo’s in Florida visiting his brother.”

Seth snorted. “I’m surprised Laird let him go.”

“Yeah me too. He’ll be back sometime early tomorrow.” Beth narrowed her eyes. “Y’know this is bullshit. Lazlo’s our friend. How about you pop by here next Thursday after I get back from Toronto and I’ll drag Laz down here for a visit? I know he misses you, he asks me about you.”

Seth perked up. “Really? He does?”

She nodded. “Yeah. So screw Laird. Just because Lazlo has no idea he’s in love with a bastard doesn’t mean we can’t see him. You in?”

Seth snorted with amusement. “Sure, why not? How often do I get a chance to help a beautiful woman kidnap a guy who researches viruses? Add a few explosions and we can make a movie out of it.”

Beth laughed, then looked at her watch. “Well I have to get back to the germ farm.” She leaned forward and gave him a kiss. “See you next week. Have fun playing with poison ivy in the woods.”

“Yeah have fun in the wilds of Toronto.”

She gave him a hug, and then left. Seth finished his cruller, and then he too left the small café. He went home and packed for his camping trip, then cleaned up the house. Satisfied all was ready, he went to bed, looking forward to a weekend alone in the woods.

At five in the morning, Beth called.

***---***

Seth pulled up in front of the small cabin, cutting off the car engine, feeling a nervous tension in his guts. He stepped out of the vehicle, feeling the warmth of the summer sun on his shoulders, hearing the soft crunch of gravel and old pine cones beneath his feet. He slammed the door shut, and walked towards the figure seated on the rustic steps, eyes fixed ahead at a point Seth could not see, his fingers linked loosely and resting on one knee, which was quietly vibrating. Lazlo’s hair was loose and unkempt, and the eyes behind the pink lenses of his glasses were glazed and dark rimmed. It was clear he had not slept recently.

Seth walked over to Lazlo and eased himself down beside him, reluctant to make any sudden moves or loud sounds.

“Lazlo?” he said softly.

Lazlo said nothing, responding in no way to Seth’s voice. Seth tried again.

“How are you?” he asked, knowing it was a stupid question, but not sure what else to say to a man who was clearly in the throes of some sort of emotional meltdown, if not a full blown nervous breakdown.

Lazlo did not respond at first, but then he replied in a tight voice, painted with hysteria.

“I wanted to come see you but I couldn’t remember your phone number, and then I came out here, and I… couldn’t find my car, so I sat down but… I’m not sure I can get back up.”

“Do you want me to help you inside?”

“Not right yet.” Lazlo’s eyes darted nervously around the small yard, not looking at Seth. “I… I just need a minute.”

Seth was no doctor, but he could tell Lazlo needed a lot more than a minute. He might even need a few days in the psychiatric wing of a hospital.

“Okay, we can just sit here for a while.”

Lazlo nodded, eyes staring forward, hands on his knee, which continued its rapid bobbling. For a while the only sound other than that of birds and squirrels was the drum of Lazlo’s leather sandal hitting the step. Suddenly he drew in a loud gasp.

“He took everything, Seth. Everything. The food, the furniture, the bedding, the dried flower Jenny gave me… I don’t even have a chair. He took my research. All of it. Books, notes, computers… it was something I was working on in secret with my own time and resources, I have no way of proving it was mine. Gone. He emptied the bank account. He even tried to sell the house but it was in my name.” He drew in a sobbing breath and looked at Seth with eyes brimming with tears and agony. “I loved him! Why would he do that to me? I loved him, I practically worshipped him, I shared every last detail of my life with him, and I come back from a lousy three day visit with my brother in Florida to THIS?!”

“You didn’t know he was planning on leaving?” asked Seth quietly.

“No! I had no clue! He kissed me goodbye and told me he loved me and to hurry back!” Lazlo drew in a ragged breath, his voice rising in pitch, his words tumbling out in a babble. “We were talking marriage and adoption and schools and that’s one of the main reasons I came to Canada was I could get married. Seth, I’m really not sure I’m going to survive this. I think I’m dying…”

Seth pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly. “No you’re not,” he said gently. “I won’t let you. I’m here. It’s okay.” He rocked him gently, closing his eyes. “We’ll get you calmed down, then we can go into town and…”

“No, I want to stay here. If I go into town I’ll probably come back and find my cabin on fire and he is NOT getting my cabin.”

Seth wondered if Laird actually had the guts to return to the scene of his crime, but understood Lazlo’s feelings on the matter. “Okay. I’ve got my camping stuff with me, I’ve got foam mattresses and sleeping bags and food and a cooler full of beer. We can have an indoor camp out.”

“Fine. Sounds like fun.”

Seth did not like the tone of Lazlo’s voice. He was hysterical, and likely exhausted as well. He needed to calm him down enough to sleep, and start healing.

“Are you hungry?” Seth asked.

“No I… I just…”

The voice trailed off, and Seth understood. He just needed to be held; to feel secure. Seth closed his eyes and held his friend tightly, stroking his hand over Lazlo’s back as if he were an over-wrought toddler. Seth was almost relieved when Lazlo drew a loud gasp and broke down, crying as only one can with a truly shattered heart. He felt his eyes grow hot and wet as he recalled his own past heartbreaks.

“It’s okay, Lazlo. I’m here. I’m always gonna be here.”

It took some time, but eventually Seth had Lazlo settled near the fireplace inside the little cabin. He had made up a bed with two sleeping bags and a pillow on a foam mattress, gave him a can of beer, and together the pair sat, drinking beer and toasting hot dogs and marshmallows in the empty cabin.

It was not the camping trip Seth had envisioned.

Lazlo remained somewhat bewildered, but gradually he seemed to be recovering. He was more lucid than he had been earlier, but even Seth could tell it would be weeks, possibly months before Lazlo was well. Something had clearly broken inside the man’s head, and Seth was not letting him out of his sight.

“Your hot dog is burning,” said Seth quietly.

“I know, I like them burned.”

Seth smiled. “Yeah, they’re good a little burned.” He glanced at Lazlo. “You must be exhausted.”

“I am,” said Lazlo quietly. “But I don’t want to sleep. I know the moment I lay down I’ll just get upset. I don’t need to be upset.”

“Well what if I slept beside you?”

Lazlo shook his head. “No, a straight guy and a gay guy in the same bed is never a wise idea. For one thing the gay guy in this particular case happens to snore like an outboard motor when he’s upset, which he most certainly is. He’s also a notorious spooner.”

Seth grinned. “I think my masculinity can handle it. Besides, I want to. Hell after all you did for Jenny and me, it’s the least I can do.” He looked at Lazlo, eyes warm. “I saw what you did.”

Lazlo smiled faintly, and made an attempt at humour. “Sorry, I really should have gone behind a bush.”

Seth laughed. “No, I meant the coat. It was a really sweet gesture.”

“A futile one. Like most gestures.”

“No,” said Seth quietly. “No it wasn’t. She adored you. Maybe you couldn’t give her more years, but you enabled her to enjoy the time she had. You were a good friend to her, and to me. And I’m glad to be here. And if you want to pass out and spoon me off the bed and mumble naughty things in your sleep about Orlando Bloom, then by all means go right ahead.”

“Oh I never dream about The Blooming One. I go for scruffy intellectual types.”

“Interesting. So you are the man you want to sleep with.”

“And I get to have me every night.” Lazlo grinned briefly, but then the smile fell from his face, and his hands began to shake. Carefully, slowly, he put his rather crispy hot dog on a bun. Seth watched, feeling a pain in his guts as this beautiful, brilliant and loving man tried to remember how to put relish on it.

“Maybe I should take you to a hospital,” he said quietly, but Lazlo shook his head.

“No. What will they do? They’ll put me in a room and give me drugs and stare at me to see if I turn into Renfield. I’d rather be home.”

“Okay,” said Seth. “But I’m staying until I’m absolutely certain you are all right.”

“Then you are going to be here a long time. Look Seth I’m fine, really, I’m… okay…”

Seth watched Lazlo try to sort the mechanics of setting the bun down to pick up and open the relish jar. Seth sighed quietly.

“Let me do that for you. Laz, I’m not a doctor, but you’re scaring me. I think you’ve had a breakdown.”

“Then putting me in a strange environment with jaded doctors who don’t give a shit and probably think I’ve been sniffing my own test tubes is not what I need.” Lazlo looked at Seth, and spoke softly. “I am very fucked up right now. No argument. Don’t make it worse by dragging me to a hospital.”

Seth finished decorating Lazlo’s hotdog with green relish and coarse ground mustard. 

“Okay. But I’m staying until I know you’re better.”

“That’s fine.” Lazlo smiled, without humour. “Just don’t mess up my stuff.”

They sat together on the foam mattress, watching the fire, talking. Lazlo had a bite of his hot dog, but food was not going down easily. Seth gently urged him to finish it, but one more bite was all he could manage. Seth finished it, feeling relieved as Lazlo lay down, willing him to sleep.

“Close your eyes,” he said quietly.

Lazlo blinked, his body and spirit exhausted. “Seth?”

“Yeah?”

“If Laird comes by… don’t let him in. I think if I see him I really will die.”

Seth gazed down at Lazlo, and surprised himself by reaching out to stroke the dark, unruly hair.

“Don’t worry, Lazlo. He’s not getting by me. Not if I have to take a tire iron to him.”

Lazlo nodded, then exhaled quietly. Soon he fell into a leaden sleep. Seth stroked his hair for a little while longer, and lay down beside him, gently pulling the sleeping bag over Lazlo. Eventually he fell asleep himself.

***---***

Laird did not come back. Apparently he did not even bother to quit his job. He simply vanished, heading back to Florida with Lazlo’s money, research and belongings, leaving Lazlo with a broken heart and a shattered spirit. It was up to Seth and Beth to help Lazlo survive the days that followed. They helped him to apply for an extended leave of absence from work, and Beth bought him some new clothes so he was not with only one outfit to his name. She had to do it without Lazlo present. He would not leave the house.

Seth had not been expecting Lazlo to recover quickly, and he wasn’t. He seemed perpetually confused, lost in unending shock and grief. He rarely slept; instead he paced the empty confines of his cabin, as if searching endlessly for something he could not find. Laird had been his world, and the emotional blow dealt by Laird’s betrayal had all but destroyed him. Seth did what he could to get Lazlo back on his feet, but he wasn’t sure Lazlo wanted to get back up, if indeed he was even able.

“You know you can’t stay in here forever,” Seth said to him one evening as they were roasting a chicken and potatoes in the fireplace.

“I don’t see why not,” said Lazlo.

“Because you have a life to live.”

“Laird was my life.”

Seth fought back an urge to scream aloud in frustration. He drew a steadying breath, reminding himself not to make any remarks abut what a piece of garbage Laird was. At least if Laird had died then Seth could tell Lazlo that Laird would not want him to be alone and unhappy. But Laird was not dead. He was alive and well and living in Florida with another man, taking credit for research Lazlo had done. At least that was what the postcard he sent had said. Seth had torn it up and burned it before Lazlo saw it.

“Well, how about we go furniture shopping tomorrow?”

Lazlo shook his head. Seth raised an eyebrow.

“Do you really want to be cooking in your fireplace for the rest of your life?”

“No,” said Lazlo quietly. “But I don’t want to buy furniture either. Because once I buy furniture you will assume I’m okay, and then you’ll leave. I don’t want you to leave. I… I’m really not ready to be alone, Seth.” He was silent for a little while. “That’s really selfish of me, isn’t it?”

“Well, kind of,” admitted Seth. “It’s also perfectly understandable after all you have been through. You know I could sell my house and move in here with you. At least until you’re better. There’s room out back to work on bikes.”