They
drove along in silence, no sound save for the
truck's wipers dutifully scraping water off
the windshield, and the quiet sound of tires
on the road. It was late, and it was dark,
and there were no lights at all on the rural
road, making the long dark drive eerie.
Occasionally animal eyes gleamed out of the
long grass at the side of the road, and once
a coyote darted out in front of them,
avoiding the truck by a hair's breadth. It
was an unnerving event early into the drive,
and there was another five hours to go.
Inside the cab of the old pickup truck, the
two friends sat in leaden silence.
Daniel
could not for the life of him remember what
had made him think this would be a great
chance to tell Jack that he was in love with
him.
True,
it did prevent the older man from walking
away from him, which had been an issue. Jack
was not a man who liked discussing feelings.
However Daniel had failed to recall Jack's
innate magical ability; his anger could lower
the temperature in any given area, and worked
twice as well in a small, contained space.
Like, say, for instance, the inside of a
truck cab. Emotionally it was about 40
degrees below absolute freezing, and Daniel
was as far on the other side of the cab as he
could get, lest one of Jack's fists suddenly
launch of its own volition and crack him in
the nose. It had happened once before, when
Jack found out Daniel was the one who left
the paddock gate open, and Jack's favorite
horse had made it three miles down the road
to Randy Croft's house and broke into a
barrel of apple cider that he had fermenting
in his shed.
Getting
the plastered Percheron loaded and home had
not been fun. On the drive back, Jack's fist
had somehow jabbed out suddenly on its own
and cracked him on the nose. Daniel was not
taking chances on it happening again. Safely
out of fist range, Daniel tried once more to
express his feelings.
"Jack..."
Jack
kept his eyes on the road, but showed him his
fist. Daniel was not stupid, but, as his
mother had pointed out often enough, he never
did know when to quit.
"Look
I don't see..."
"Get
glasses."
"You
are going to let me talk about this."
"No
I ain't." Jack kept his eyes on the
flat, straight Alberta road.
"I
love you."
"That's
nice."
Daniel
stared at the older man. He was handsome,
lean and strong, like something out of a
movie: just a hair past his prime but still
virile and oh so damned beautiful. Daniel
wanted him so badly it made his heart break,
and had wanted him since he came to work for
him five years ago. For five whole years,
Daniel had, cautiously, let him know that he
would like to be a little more than friends,
but Jack never seemed to pick up what Daniel
was laying down. At first he thought Jack
knew and was simply not interested, but, as
time passed, Daniel realized that, no, Jack
just couldn't catch a hint unless you mashed
it into his face. So, he made the hints
bigger. Once he even flat out asked him if he
would like to go to bed. He still recalled
the way Jack stared at him, surprise in his
brown eyes.
"Ain't
tired," he said.
Daniel
had fought a temptation to get down on his
hands and knees and bash his head on the
floor. Instead he just said "All
right," and left.
So,
finally, Daniel decided that on the long
drive back home from a trip into Edmonton, he
would tell him he loved him. Daniel was not
surprised in the least to find out that,
after five years of hints, innuendo, and the
occasional touch, the admission was news to
Jack.
"Well
what's wrong with me loving you?"
"I'm
a married man. And you're just a man."
"Jack,
Lauren left you a year ago."
The
brown eyes stayed on the straight, narrow
rural road. "She might come back."
"Yeah
and monkeys might fly out my ass."
"That
too."
Daniel
groaned. "You really are a pain in the
ass, you know that. Look I love you, what's
wrong with me loving you?"
"I
told you. I'm a man. So are you."
Daniel
sighed and sank back into his seat. Then he
raised an eyebrow and gave Jack a sidelong
look. He knew how to get the old crank to
talk. He blinked a few times hard to make his
eyes shine wetly, and then sniffed. Right on
cue, Jack hit the brakes and pulled off the
road.
"Aw
don't do that, CHRIST don't do that!"
'Bingo,'
thought Daniel. Defensively, tearfully, he
said, "I ain't doing nothing! Just
drive!"
"I
can't drive if you're crying!"
"I
ain't crying!"
"YOU'RE
CRYING AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT!" Jack
turned in his seat to face the younger man.
"And what in the hell are you in love
with me for?"
"How
should I know? What were you in love with
Lauren for?"
That
was a good question, one that made Jack sit
back in surprise. He had loved her, probably
still did, and why not? She had been kind,
pretty, funny, intelligent. There was a lot
to love. But she had come out to look after
Jack's son in the last few years of his short
life, and if she loved anyone, it was Nathan.
She was his caretaker until the end of his
days, and likely the reason she married Jack
was to keep alive some connection to the
young man. The marriage lasted a year. Then
she moved back to the city, leaving Jack
alone with memories of his deceased wife and
son, and of the young woman who was kind and
compassionate, but did not love him back. It
was a lot for him to think about.
Quietly,
he turned to face the steering wheel once
more. He carefully put the truck in drive,
and started forward. Daniel said nothing, and
they drove on in silence. At least the
emotional temperature in the cab had gone
from icy to neutral.
They
reached a small roadside café, and stopped
to stretch their legs and grab a bite to eat.
Jack was still quiet, and Daniel let him be
with his thoughts. Jack was not what one
might call a sensitive new age guy. He was a
fairly basic individual, not stupid or
foolish but not terribly introspective.
Daniel had given him a lot to chew over, and
as the young man watched him sip his coffee,
he could tell the wheels were turning. He
desperately wanted to ask what he was
thinking, but a roadside diner in rural
Alberta was not the place to continue their
discussion. As Jack had once observed:
"It ain't 2006 everywhere in the world,
y'know."
Of
course Jack had been referring to computers,
not gay relationships. But he had a point.
They
ate their dinner. It was a good meal, simple
and filling, and Jack had three pieces of
apple pie afterwards. How he could eat like
that and stay as rangy as he was, Daniel had
no idea. If he ate the way Jack did, he would
be a thousand pounds inside of a year. But
Jack always ate when he was confused.
Jack
ate a lot.
They
paid for their dinner and left the café,
heading for the pickup truck. Jack paused to
light a cigarette. Daniel grinned.
"C'mon
Marlborough Man. Hey I heard he was
gay."
"Who?"
"The
Marlborough Man."
Jack
snorted. "I heard he cacked off from
lung cancer."
"That
too."
Jack
hrumphed, and got into the truck. Daniel
hopped into the passenger's side, and they
were off once more. Three more hours to go,
and the emotional temperature was up from
neutral to pleasant. Jack turned on the
cassette player, and they drove along through
the rain, listening to The Mamas and The
Papas. Daniel stared out the window at the
rain, listening to the music. For over half
an hour there was a pleasant silence between
the two men. Then Jack cleared his throat.
"So...
um... how long..." He cleared his throat
again. "How long have you felt this
way?"
"Since
I first saw you," said Daniel quietly.
Jack
raised an eyebrow. "That long?
Really?" He looked puzzled, as if
thinking. Daniel grinned, hearing the wheels
in Jack's mind grind, and screech, and
slooooooowly start to turn. Suddenly Jack's
brown eyes went large. "YOU ASKED ME TO
GO TO BED WITH YOU!"
"Yeah
I did," admitted Daniel. "And you
looked right at me with those big brown eyes
and uttered the immortal phrase; 'Ain't
tired.' Never wanted to hit myself over the
head so bad in my life."
"You
should have hit me over the head."
Daniel
gave him a puzzled look. "Why?"
"Because
it was a stupid thing to say!"
"You
say stupid shit all the time, if I hit you
every time you said something stupid I'd be
up for murder."
Jack's
fist flew out and connected with Daniel's
shoulder. "Don't be a smart ass."
"OW!
Look you hit me one more time you old fart
and I'll take you out back and beat you to
death with your own stupidity."
"Ain't
old."
Daniel
rubbed his shoulder. "No but you're
mean."
Jack
thought about that. "Sorry." He
glanced at Daniel. "You okay?"
"Yeah
I'm fine, just watch the road."
Jack
did, but Daniel could tell the wheels were
still turning in his mind. Slowly. Painfully.
Grinding against one another with a scream of
metal and leaving a cloud of rust.
Why in
hell did he love this man?
Two
hours to go, and Jack spoke again.
"Don't
seem fair."
Daniel
looked at him. "What doesn't?"
"That
you feel this way and I just ignored
you."
"You
didn't ignore me, you didn't know."
"I
should have, though. I should have
known."
Daniel
turned in his seat to look at him, studying
his face in the faint light of the cab. It
was a strong, handsome face, almost
aristocratic. A face better suited to a
warrior of old than a slightly broken down
rancher. Daniel felt a pain in his heart.
Jack deserved better, so much better than
what he had.
"I
wish you had," he whispered.
Jack
swallowed. "Maybe... maybe I don't know
what I want. Certainly never put a lot of
thought into it."
Daniel
dared to move a bit closer. "You can
think about it now."
"Not
so sure it's a good idea. It ain't 2006
everywhere in the world, y'know."
Daniel
grinned, raising an eyebrow in surprise.
"Why Jack Powers, does that mean I have
a chance here?"
"Don't
mean nothing!" he snapped, but Daniel
knew if he was really upset by the remark he
would have hit him. The road curved slightly,
and Jack smoothly followed it. "Light me
a cig, Danny."
Daniel
lit them each a cigarette, and passed one to
Jack. Jack took it, and placed it between his
lips. Things were silent again.
One
hour from home, Jack said softly, as if in
response to a question, "Yeah, I think I
could."
Daniel
felt a strange rush through his body, and his
heart lurched in his chest. Adrenaline
coursed through him almost violently, and he
felt his jeans tighten slightly.
"You
could?" he asked hoarsely, half-afraid
Jack was talking about getting a new riding
mower or some such thing. That would be
typical Jack to forget everything that had
happened in the last few hours.
Jack
nodded. "Yeah I think I could." He
looked at the younger man, brown eyes soft.
"I'm not getting any younger, Danny. My
wife is dead, my son is dead, my second wife
has left me. The ranch is not doing well, and
let's face it, the only reason it's surviving
at all is because of you. You and your...
love... for an absolute fool."
"I
don't love a fool," said Daniel. "I
love you."
Jack
shook his head. "If I had any sense, I'd
pack things in and move instead of letting
you spend money buying me new stock."
"I
wanted to do it. It's not all altruism, you
know. If it saves your ranch then it saves my
job, and now that I'm a partner, if you do
well, I do well." He swallowed, watching
the face of the man beside him, watching the
worry in his eyes. "I did it because I
care about you."
Jack
shook his head, but said nothing further.
Daniel watched his face in the light of the
cab. Jack was not the brightest bulb on the
Christmas tree, but he was a good person. He
deserved more that what he had in life. His
first wife Nancy had been a good person, too.
Daniel had known her in the final year of her
life. She had been a quiet, uneducated woman,
but intelligent and wise. Daniel liked her,
and her son Nathan. They had all been
horrified by her sudden and violent death,
Jack especially. He walked around in a daze
for the first year after she had been kicked
to death by his best stallion. The loss had
nearly killed him, and the news two months
later that his son was terminally ill had
drained away more of his will to live. In his
typical quiet way, Jack did what needed to be
done to care for him, including hiring an
in-home caregiver when Nathan came home from
the hospital to die.
A year
after Nathan's death, 'Mad Cow' claimed his
stock, and Jack had to lay off his employees.
Six months after that, Lauren left him to
return to the city. What had once been a home
and ranch full of life and people and animals
was now a sad and silent little shack out in
the middle of nowhere. Daniel stayed on as a
renter, paying a small sum to live in the
little house behind Jack's that had once been
the home of the ranch foreman. He had some
money saved; money he had been planning to
use to start a small farm where he could
breed and raise horses, but when Jack began
talking about giving up and selling his
ranch, Daniel instead used the money to buy
Jack some good beef cattle, and to get
himself a Friesian stallion.
The
horse had not been part of the plan but...
well... Daniel really wanted it.
They
drove the rest of the way back to the little
house that Jack called home in silence. He
parked the truck, and they got out, walking
quietly side by side up to the porch.
Normally Daniel would go to his own little
place behind the house, but this time he knew
he did not have to. Jack unlocked the door,
and they walked into the darkened kitchen.
The door closed, and the two stood facing
each other in the near-perfect darkness.
For a
long moment, neither moved. Then Jack stepped
closer, reaching for the younger man, gently
pulling him close. Daniel sighed and put his
arms around him, resting his head on his
shoulder. He closed his eyes, and breathed a
single word.
"Finally."
He felt
Jack's hands come to cautiously rest on his
back, then slowly, uncertainly, explore him,
touching him.
"Haven't
a clue what to do with you," he admitted
sheepishly.
Daniel
smiled. "I will show you," he said
softly. He raised his head and looked into
Jack's eyes. "Or maybe you could just
kiss me and see where it goes from
there."
"Just
so you know, I'm lousy in bed."
"Who
told you that?"
"Two
wives, several girlfriends, and a
hooker."
Daniel
winced. "Well we'll work something out,
I'm sure."
"Yeah,"
said Jack quietly. "We will."
They
held each other, gazing into each other's
eyes. Finally Jack inclined his head forward,
and at last they were kissing. Daniel felt
his body go weak, and it was all he could do
to stay on his feet. He had wanted this so
badly, so long, and never thought he would
ever have it. He wondered what Jack was
thinking, and if in the morning he would
regret what they had done. Daniel returned
the kiss passionately, parting his lips,
letting Jack take the upper hand. He was more
than happy to submit if it was what Jack
wanted.
They
kissed, holding each other tightly, touching
one another. Daniel let Jack's hands wander
on their own, allowing the older man to guide
the pace of their first time together. He
finally had him in his arms after all this
time; he did not want to scare him off.
Jack
broke off the kiss, and said softly;
"Too old for messing around on the
floor. Let's go to my room."
Daniel
nodded, and the two walked towards the
bedroom, arms around each other. They entered
the small, neat room, and Jack closed the
door behind them. Daniel removed his boots
and lay down on the bed, feeling the bed
creak as Jack came to lie beside him. He drew
him into his arms, and closed his eyes,
breathing out a sigh of pleasure as he felt
him kiss his neck. Funny how Jack could set
him on fire like this, how just feeling his
hands reach for the buttons on his shirt was
more erotic than anything he could think of.
He relaxed, closing his eyes, offering
himself up like a sacrifice, letting the one
he loved caress and slowly explore his young,
strong body. He hoped this moment never
ended.
An hour
later, Daniel was just about out of patience.
He was
currently on his stomach, naked, while Jack
tried to figure out how to mount him. So much
for letting Jack slowly figure this out on
his own; the man couldn't take direction if
his life depended on it. His sexual catch
phrase seemed to be "Give me a minute,
I'll get it."
Jack
shoved into him, and Daniel raised his head.
"JACK!"
"What?!
That's where it goes, isn't it?"
"Look,
I'm not a mare, and you're not trying to
breed me. We're supposed to be making
love."
"I
thought we were!"
"Off!"
Jack
moved off of him, and Daniel sat up to face
him. "Jack, I love you, and I think you
are easily the most attractive man I have
ever seen. But I gotta say, the two wives,
several girlfriends and the hooker were
right."
Jack
looked hurt, but let Daniel push him gently
down to the bed. "You've never been with
a man before, have you?"
Jack
shook his head. Daniel kissed him. "So
let me show you, okay?" He grinned.
"If you're good I'll take you out
Saturday to see 'Brokeback Mountain.'"
"Not
interested. Why should I watch a film about
two guys watching someone else's stock when
mine's all dead?"
Daniel
raised an eyebrow. "Well that's one way
of looking at it, yes. But it's about two
cowboys in love."
"You
mean sheepboys. And unless those sheep all
die horribly I ain't going."
Daniel
sighed. "In that case we'll just stay
home and watch 'Blazing Saddles.'"
"Good,
I like that one." He stroked his hand
down Daniel's thigh, and said quietly:
"Okay. So show me."
Daniel
lowered his head and kissed him. "First
off, it's okay to touch me."
"I
did touch you."
Daniel
lay down beside him and took one of Jack's
hands. "Well you started off good, but
then you shied away." He drew Jack close
and kissed him, then placed the hand on his
hip. "Touch me. Like this. Slowly."
Jack
did, stroking his hand over Daniel's slim
body, feeling the soft skin over the toned,
lean muscle, allowing Daniel to guide where
his hand went. He finally drew it down to his
penis, and made a quiet sigh of pleasure as
Jack's hand softly closed around it. He
released Jack's hand and relaxed, feeling him
touch and caress him. Jack leaned over to
kiss him, and Daniel slid his arms around his
neck, holding him close.
He felt
Jack gently push him, and he complied, moving
onto his back, letting the older man get on
top of him.
"Easy,"
he whispered. "I'll show you."
"Give
me a minute, I'll get it."
"No
way. JACK!"
"WHAT!?"
"Not
so rough! Geez!"
Jack
kissed him. "Sorry."
Daniel
rolled his eyes. Why the hell did he love
this man? He closed his eyes. "If you
finish in forty seconds, fall off and go to
sleep, I'll smother you with a pillow, I
swear."
"I'll
have you know I can go at least
forty-five."
Daniel
laughed, and drew his legs up. He closed his
eyes and wrapped his arms around Jack's
shoulders, feeling him move inside of him.
"I
love you," he said quietly, simply.
Jack
didn't say it back, but that was fine. Daniel
knew he was not good with voicing his
emotions. He didn't have to be. There was so
much more to him than his ability to
communicate, or how much money he made...
Jack
cried out, pushing in hard, spilling semen
deep into Daniel's young body. He groaned in
pleasure, then rolled off of him, panting.
.... Or
how good he was in bed.
"Fantastic,"
Jack said emphatically.
Daniel
looked at him. "Oh you HAVE to be
kidding."
"What?"
Daniel
moved over top of him, gently pinning him
down, grinning. "Okay, cowboy, you had
your chance. Now it's my turn. And I've got
all night to show you how to do it
right."
Jack
stared up into Daniel's sea green eyes.
"So, I take it that it wasn't good for
you."
Daniel
kissed his nose. "No. It wasn't."
He reached out for his half-used tube of
lubricant.
"Well
give me time, I'll get it."
Daniel
grinned evilly as he squeezed some of the
slick substance into his hand. "You're
darn right you will, cowboy."
Jack
looked distinctly worried. "Well I hope
you're not as bad as I am."
Daniel
laughed. "Jack, I don't know why I love
you, but I do."
Jack
laughed quietly and shook his head. "I
don't know why you do either." He closed
his eyes and relaxed, letting Daniel take
control. "But I'm glad you do."
Outside
the little house, the storm continued on,
beating down on the roof, and onto the red
truck, and the barns that would soon be full
of cattle and horses again. All seemed
peaceful, awaiting anxiously the arrival of
the new day, and the new animals.
Suddenly
Jack's voice echoed across the yard.
"HEY!"
"And
now you know why I keep telling you not to be
so rough."
"I
knew partners were a pain in the ass,
but..."
"Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut
up and kiss me."
